The Road to Recovery

I had a perplexing thought today as I was listening to someone speak of their recovery. Often times we associate recovery with some sort of post rehabilitative state, either for addiction or injury, but it wasn't such with this person's circumstance. This excerpt doesn't need further explanation because it was simply their use of recovery that propelled my logic in this introspective direction.

It started first with me realizing I was actively in recovery. The single most traumatic event of my life happened a little over a month ago and spanned an anguishing nine days of my life. It was just prior to returning from a much needed sabbatical from the majority of my responsibilities and extended it further than what I had imagined.

It was with a stubborn heart I began a slow recovery to returning to my duties, every small accomplishment-taking out the trash, doing laundry, showing up for work or school, even something as minute as taking a shower was an obstacle of grand magnitude. With each minor success I rigidly and subconsciously welcomed a new step in recovering.

I withdrew from a class that while it had extensive requirements was the class I have been most eager to take since beginning school. It was with the acceptance and admittance to myself and others that I was incapable of providing care to another when I could barely pull myself together, that gifted me humility and grace in exchange for pieces of my pride. Another step in recovery.

Though I am currently on a path of recovery from this specific trauma I thought beyond today. Beyond tomorrow, beyond yesterday, beyond five weeks ago, this persons use of the word recovery made me realize that I have been in recovery since the moment I took my first breath. I realized we are all on the road to recovery. I've spent a lot of time running from things, fighting events, denying myself the ability to walk the path of healing. Through this denial and attempt to control every opportunity I have slowed my path of recovery and have created a barrier between me and my calling. I have wrapped up my power and my validation as a conscious being and have attributed every negative as "life" or "fate" and every positive as "luck" or a "blessing" leaving me out of my life.

From this little comment I realized that in the strong desire to control everything to have a desired outcome I have actually hindered and fought the process of my recovery- my own growth, not just with this instance, but with my life as a whole. The procrastination, the denial, the fear has guided much of my life.

I hope that I can begin now to submit myself to fully living, to fully healing, to fully loving. Or at the very least to always do my best to not reject these opportunities for growth.

Further, I hope that I am able to truly aid others in their road to recovery, recovering from birth.